Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Not A Cosmo Girl

I used to read Cosmo. When my adorable/scary sister had a subscription to it in high school. High School. And even then I thought it was a questionable publication that had far too many articles on "How to Please Your Man", or "How to Steal Your Friend's Man", or "How to Steal Your Friend's Man and Please Him", etc.

It has not gotten better. Kerry, Card and I were out on Card's brother's yacht on Saturday. That's right - it's a yacht. A yacht that he owns with a couple of buddies, one of whom, for whatever reason, had a brand new copy of next months Cosmo onboard:

We did check to make sure that none of the pages were stuck together. Ew. And then proceeded to read through the ridiculousness. I have to admit that I haven't laughed that hard in a while, but it was the kind of laughing that tapers off into pathetic sobs because you realize that this is an international publication, being read by millions. Granted, it provides entertainment, and has loads of glossy photos, which I love. I'm visual. But the pervasive message in each issue just scares me.

The giant headline of "50 Ways to Be Closer to Him" is one of many that irritate me beyond reason. If you're having difficulty GETTING closer to him, chances are it is because he does not WANT you to be closer to him. Where are Greg Behrendt & Liz Tucillo when you need them? And why don't they have their own magazine called "Cosmo - NO", that just reiterates every point they drove home in "He's Just Not That Into You":

I still run into women who haven't read this book yet, and my only question is "What are you waiting for?" It is hilarious and smart and applies to everyone. Still. 3 or 4 years later, and even beyond that. It should be a monthly publication. I have the sneaking suspicion that those who are avoiding the book somehow think that they do not "need" it, and if they do read it, it will confirm their deepest, darkest fears about rejection. Not so. It actually makes you laugh really hard, and respect yourself a little more. Everyone needs those two things. Especially the Cosmo Girl.