Saturday, September 29, 2007

Effing Facebook

Buh. Stupid social networking site. Kerry signed me up for it, and I, begrudgingly, edited my profile, and added friends, and tagged myself in photos, and joined networks, and wrote on my wall, and... Sheesh! It's exhausting keeping that crap up!

(how's THAT for a dedication?)

just composed an Ode in my honor, on his blog. And, as he points out, we do have much in common. Including the inability to resist flattery. Loves it! Loves the flattery!

Does anyone remember that car commercial where the family is driving along a cliffside highway, in a mini-van or some such other un-sexy automobile, and the voice over says "Remember the compliments...forget the insults." Kind of funny, as I find it quite effortless to insult a mini-van. The sentiment was awfully profound for a car commercial, but that phrase stuck in my head, and I have to remind myself to actually do just that. Forget the insults. Remember the compliments.

Stop reliving the basketball game in 8th grade where Chandler Ford was standing up in the bleachers yelling "You're UGLY" at the top of his lungs. No, no, NO - baaaaaad memory, delete! Delete!

(And if you think I'm going to post a photo of myself at age 13 for proof, you have been slurping the Crazy Soup today fo' sho'.)

Dwell on the time that one guy said you had the "wit of the editor-in-chief, and the beauty of the girl on the cover". Compliments do not get much better than that. Unless he was referring to the Big Game Fishing Journal.

So the warm fuzzies will always be welcomed, and frequently drawn upon, in order to bury the Junior High memories. We all have them, and they must be squelched. Heavy in the squelching department are any comparisons to attractive celebrities - no matter how unlike them I might actually be.

(Ed. note: Most annoying are those girls who gush things like "Oh my God, people are ALWAYS saying how much I look like Angelina Jolie! It's embarrassing! Hahahahahaheee! I mean, EVERYONE thinks so, and it's so weird because she's like one of the most beautiful women IN THE WORLD!"

Where did I leave my stun gun?)

Anyway, my complaint about stupid Facebook, is that they now are charging money for their Virtual Gifts. Like, you click on "send so-and-so a gift", and then this selection of completely pretend, one-dimensional gifts pops up, and you click on the one you want to "Gift" to so-and-so. It's PRETEND. It's NOT REAL. So it was all fun and games earlier on in Facebook's life, when it was free to do this: Kerry gifted me a puppy in a box, I gifted Yvonne a "Happy Birthday" balloon, etc.

It cost nothing, because it WAS nothing.

So, I was so giddily pleased with my Ode, and I happened to be on Facebook (uploading photos from Kimmy's "Buh Bye" evening), and I thought "Excellent! I'll send Landis a Gift!" And then I picked out, quite naturally, a virtual cupcake. And I thought I was being all hilarious and was like "It's a CUPCAKE - get it? A CUPCAKE!" Ar ar ar. Then, when I clicked on "send", up popped that dreaded screen that I'm supposed to be grounded from. You know, the "enter your credit card information here" screen.

I didn't even check to see how much the NOT-A-REAL-CUPCAKE would have been. It's the principle of the thing. I was so offended, that I just clicked away from that screen, and came straight here. To the happy place. The happy blog place, where I can do this stuff for free. Charging real money for pretend cupcakes, my ass.

So, Landis, here you go:

I would like you to please give one to Tim, as he must just be rolling his eyes about this whole thing. Bliends. Really.

I would also like to offer the remaining cupcakes to everyone who has been so great about commenting on the little blog, and letting me know when they've enjoyed the posts, and blabbity blah. You know what I mean.

Now, I'm going to try to link some of these blog posts to Facebook. Apparently, that is another feature that I don't think they're charging for just yet...