Saturday, September 15, 2007

Joan & Melissa Rivers - No, We Can't Talk

Badly-dressed celebrities everywhere are breathing a collective sigh of relief. The TV Guide channel has fired Joan & Melissa Rivers from their award show hosting duties. We must bid adieu to the mother-daughter critique team and the often-uncomfortable red carpet sartorial assaults on the award-show guests.

I actually like Joan and Melissa - Joan can be pretty hilarious, and Melissa seems like a very down-to-earth girl, who'd be fun to knock back a few mojitos with. And I must say, in the past few years, Joan has been less-vicious when vocalizing her opinions of outfits.

I just feel like it is somewhat cruel to criticize someone, to his/her face, once he/she has already committed to an ensemble. So, you decided to make use of the wrapper from that 6 ft. tall chocolate bunny Grandma Cadbury sent you for Easter in 1991:

That's just smart recycling. And you shouldn't be penalized for it.

Or, say your flight from Bali was late, and you literally just arrived at LAX, and happened to wear your combination batik bathing-suit/sarong on the plane?

You can absolutely dress that up with your Diamonique jewels and matching sandals, from Duty Free, and should be applauded for your innovative, on-the-spot fashion abilities.

Or the cheerleaders from Glendale South High School mistook you for quarterback Josh Miller's front yard, Friday night before the homecoming game.

I mean, that is not even your fault. And toilet paper is so hard to accessorize.

My point is that there is a lot of pressure to pull off the perfect red carpet look, and hindsight is always 20/20. It's okay to point out fashion mishaps, after the fact - not during the fact.

Or, better yet, before the fact. If Joan & Melissa could come up with a show that filmed them at home with the celebrities, 24 hours before red carpet time, and the celebrities could have several gowns to choose from, and Joan & Melissa could use their criticism in a constructive manner, resulting in the collective best dressed red carpet ever.