All I Want For Christmas Is The Clap

Yesterday afternoon at work, the mail arrived.

This is not news.

What I found to be newsworthy (and yes, I do pretend my blog is the news), was a package that Co-Worker Shelley received, containing The Flu:

You can't squish and squeeze this thing, like I was doing yesterday, but it is fuzzy and cute, and... The Flu?

I confuse.

Shelley explained that you may order The Flu from a company called Giant Microbes.

"Why are they making the flu look all cute and cuddly?" And then the inevitable question:

"WAIT! Do they have others?"

They do.

You have myriad options when giving your friends and loved ones Maladies, Calamities, Critters, and - maybe as a special Valentine's Day treat - Venereals.

I know that, in the subject line, I said I wanted The Clap, but Chlamydia is much cuter.

But exercise caution when ordering. Not all of the diseases are charming and adorable.

Mange just looks mean.