Thursday, October 11, 2007

"Douchebag", def.

John Fitzgerald Page.

(story also featured on Gawker - thanks to Card for fwding)

Subject: Match Nightmare (from Unidentified Girl)

So I winked at this guy on match. Should have known better considering his screen name was "IvyLeagueAlum" He responds with the following email..

I live in a 31 story high rise condominium, right in the middle of the Buckhead nightlife district. Do you ever come to this area of town to shop/go out/visit/explore? I went to an Ivy League school - the University of Pennsylvania - for my undergraduate degree in economics and my graduate degree in management (Wharton School of Business). Where did you go to school? What activities do you currently participate in to stay in shape? I work out 4 times a week at LA Fitness. Do you exercise regularly? I am 6 feet tall, 185 pounds - what about yourself? I am truly sorry if that sounds rude, impolite or even downright crass, but I have been deceived before by inaccurate representations so I prefer someone be upfront and honest on initial contact... I do mergers & acquisitions (corporate finance) for Limited Brands (Bath & Body Works, Victoria 's Secret, etc). Enjoy any of our stores/divisions?Do you have any other recent pictures you care to share? I have many others if you care to see them. Regards,John--------------------------------

U.Girl: So, I in turn send him a polite "No Thanks" thru the match system which send him the following email:

Thanks for writing to me, but unfortunately, we're just not a good match. Good luck in your search! Our Portraits didn't match on: Â. Personality ------------------------------

U.Girl: To which he replies the following:

I think you forgot how this works. You hit on me, and therefore have to impress ME and pass MY criteria and standards - not vice versa. 6 pictures of just your head and your inability to answer a simple question lets me know one thing. You are not in shape. I am a trainer on the side, in fact, I am heading to the gym in 26 minutes! So next time you meet a guy of my caliber, instead of trying to turn it around, just get to the gym! I will even give you one free training session, so you don't blow it with the next 8.9 on Hot or Not, Ivy League grad, Mensa member, can bench/squat/leg press over 1200 lbs., has had lunch with the secretary of defense, has an MBA from the top school in the country, lives in a Buckhead high rise, drives a Beemer convertible, has been in 14 major motion pictures, was in Jezebel's Best dressed, etc. Oh, that is right, there aren't any more of those!

Regards,John


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Well, sign me up for Match.com!!! Honestly. I mean, it's nice that he admits to being rude, impolite and downright crass, but who actually uses the word "Beemer"? And talks about having lunch with the Secretary of Defense?

What up, dog? I used to serve Budweiser long-necks to the House Appropriations committee. Every Friday afternoon. And I'm not sure how much weight I can leg press, but I do many leg lifts, while watching "America's Next Top Model", wearing 2.5 lb. sandbag leg weights. They're gray and pink.

How ya like me now?