Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Guess What Time It Is!



PMS symptoms

mood swings - CHECK

irritability - CHECK, AND HURRY UP WITH THE REST OF THIS F*CKING LIST

depression - NOTSOMUCH, TOO IRRITABLE TO BE DEPRESSED

anxiety - ABOUT WHAT? YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE ANXIOUS, MAKING ME STAND IN LINE THIS LONG TO BUY AN EXPENSIVE CHOCOLATE BAR

angry outbursts - DID YOU NOT HEAR WHAT I JUST SAID ABOUT THE CHOCOLATE BAR?

confusion or fuzzy thinking - I'M PMS-ING, NOT SENILE

tearfulness - THAT EPISODE OF "THE BIGGEST LOSER" WAS A REALLY GOOD ONE

fatigue - NO

insomnia - ZZZZZZZZZZZ

changes in libido - HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

overeating - SHUT UP, WHO ARE YOU, MY TRAINER?

cravings, especially for salty or sweet foods - ONLY IF YOU'RE TAKING MY ORDER

alcohol intolerance - ABSOLUTELY NOT! I'M VERY TOLERANT OF ALCOHOL!

acne - THANKFULLY, NO

hives - REALLY? HIVES?

abdominal and pelvic cramps
- MEH

bloating - SHUT UP, THOSE PANTS ARE STRAINING ACROSS YOUR ASS TODAY TOO

weight gain - IF YOU SAY ONE WORD

headaches - NO

menstrual migrains - NO, AND DEAR GOD WHAT ARE THOSE? MIGRAINS IN YOUR UTERUS?

breast swelling and pain - HAHAHAHAHAHA, OUCH

edema (visible swelling, particularly in the hands, feet and legs) - NO, AND NO COMMENTS ABOUT VISIBLE SWELLING IN MY ARSE

dizziness, decreased balance - I TOLD YOU, I'M VERY TOLERANT OF ALCOHOL