Saturday, December 8, 2007

File Under: Things that are NOT good Christmas

My little Chocolate-Covered Chicken Dumpling, WhiskeyMarie (girl, I speak your language), aptly commented on my Christmas fixation, and expressed her concern that I might own one of those Christmas sweatshirts.

Sorry - I just vomited in the bathroom. I'm back now.

Egads. There is nothing worse than the Christmas sweatshirt/sweater. And this year, one of my very funny acquaintances invited me to a party that she and her boyfriend throw, where the required dress code is one of those horrible ensembles.

At first, I was laughing and thinking "HYSTERICAL!"

But then I set out to find something suitable to wear to the party, and "hysterical" was replaced with "ohdeargodNOOOOOO".
Mom and I went out shopping over the Thanksgiving weekend, and Hideous Christmas Sweater was on my list. So we went to Sears, and JCPenney (apologies to both stores, but you must admit you're not known for your current fashion trends, right?), and they did not disappoint.

I could not, however, justify spending even $20 on something like this:

I just couldn't. And those turtlenecks with snowmen and candy canes all over them? I'm getting itchy just thinking about them.

I just kept wrinkling my nose, and violently shaking my head at everything my mom would point to, and I finally came to the conclusion that I just couldn't buy a hideous Christmas sweater.

I then felt like I probably shouldn't go to the party, because I HATE when there's a theme, and then people show up not dressed for the theme. I didn't want to be a hypocrite. Friend Kerry was confounded by my changed tune, and just couldn't understand why I couldn't just get it together, get a gross, awful, hideous sweater and go to the party.

And then she bought one.

We had to go to a bar to help celebrate Friend Kevin's birthday, prior to going to the ugly sweater party. I just gave up, and decided to go, wearing a normal outfit that made me happy. When I saw Kerry at the bar, she was wearing a red cardigan, with a plaid collar, and giant snowmen and gold pieces and...

Sorry, I had to run to the bathroom again.

And she looked at me and said "Now I understand".