Friday, February 15, 2008

Totally Un-Valentiney


As much as I hate to admit this - this story is completely hilarious and makes total sense. I have no idea who wrote it, but it was a guy:


One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'


I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!


'So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'


She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'


Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.


The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all.


She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'


We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.


I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.'


She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.'


I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'


Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'


I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.' And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'


Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....