Friday, June 26, 2009

Hvratska Ice Cream - HVRMPH!

Fernando and I are still sans laptop, ergo no pretty photos of Hvratska (Croatia, in the local language). Many apologies. And speaking of apologies, I am owed MANY GRAND SORRIES from the people of Croatia. I have now been to Split, Hvar, and Dubrovnik (arrived today, fine thank you), and in each city you will see every other passerby eating an ice cream cone. They appear to be enjoying these ice cream cones, and who wouldn´t (OH I FOUND THE APOSTROPHE KEY!!!! It is CTRL + ALT 9!) - okay, again, who wouldn´t enjoy an ice cream cone, in a fabulously picturesque seaside summer holiday destination, right? Who?

ME, thatś who. Oh crap, I don´t think itś the apostrophe key. Oh well, it will have to do.

Back to the "ice cream", or so they call it. It is absolute crap. CRAP I SAY! They fake a sugar cone, with that papery nonsense (think McDonalds), but waffle it up so that it appears to be the real thing. THEN, they arrange their "ice cream" in that fluffy, tempting gelato-esque way - you know, where it appears to be thick, pillowy clouds of goodness? Well. I can tell you, there is no goodness, whatsoever. It tastes like that low-calorie, 1980ś ice milk rubbish, and it is not being offered as low-calorie, so I am led to deduce that it is merely cheap, fake ice cream. It is terrible, and there is no escaping it. It is literally everywhere. And people keep eating it! It is making me bananas! When I tried it today, in Dubrovnik (somehow hoping that here it might be good? Different?), I was so exasperated, that, after I threw the unfinished cone in the trash, I found myself wanting to run up to everyone else eating a cone and scream "YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY BE ENJOYING THAT, CAN YOU??? IT IS CRAP!!!!"

But I didn´t. I marched straight into the nearest convenience store and purchased a $4 SWISS chocolate bar, to erase the bad taste of the "ice cream".

Fernando would echo my sentiments, but he is passed out in the bathtub.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

We Are In Hvar

Fernando did not want his fans to worry about him. We cannot post photos, as did not lug very cumbersome laptop with us on ferry. But I can tell you, Fernando has been eating gelato every day and it is beginning to show.

We love Hvar! More later!

Friday, June 19, 2009

Fernando in Wien

We ventured out into the city, on a fantastically sunny day in Vienna. However, when we neared St. Stephan's cathedral, and Fernando caught a glimpse of a chattery school group,

he said "Maybe we shouldn't bother with the touristy stuff today. Let's just go shopping." I am nothing if not the consummate travel hostess, so I acquiesced. We found this:

Can you hear angels singing? If not, your iPod is turned up too loud. I saw Lanvin. I saw Giambattista Valli. I saw Prada.

Fernando saw these fantastic Alaia booties, in my size, for 150 Euro (marked down from 790 Euro).

ALAIA BOOTIES! 150 EURO! I am never shopping without him again.

The store didn't have anything in 'Nando's size, but he still managed to have an excellent day. He fell in love with a model.

Oh those Austrian pigs - so shiny and pretty! I think they exchanged phone numbers.

And we did, actually, do something a bit cultural. I took him to see a piano concert at the Musikverein.

We took the photo while people were still filing in. The place was absolutely packed, to hear this:

Fernando is a big fan of Chopin and Prokofiev, so he enjoyed the performance immensely. We walked back to Mariahilferstrasse afterward, and sat at an outdoor cafe to enjoy some Sacher Torte and wine.

I think Fernando might love Vienna as much as I do. I have no doubt he'll be back.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Begrüßen Sie das Schwein

Another reliable, satisfying flight with Austrian Airlines, and I arrive safely in Vienna. Hooray for vacation!

Upon arrival at my loverly hotel, Das Tyrol, on the shopping (naturally) street, Mariahilferstrasse, I was presented with a small package bearing my name. It was also bearing this customs form:

That is correct. Whiskeymarie sent me "1 plastic pig" and "1 miniature martini glass". Fernando has arrived! I was so happy to see his little piggy face, and squeeze his little plastic body. He seemed more interested in finishing his martini and relaxing in the hotel robe and slippers.

He also wanted to be taken, immediately, to the hotel's spa for some "much needed R&R". He did nothing but complain about his "long flight, in coach", and then the "weeks spent in the hotel's front desk drawer", blah blah. I obliged, and we went down to the spa. 'Nando tried to do a little tanning, but I yanked him right out of there.

I think he must have only seen the first half of The Family Guy's "Tan Stewie" episode. I said "Do you want to be crispy bacon?", and he sulkily said "no." I pointed out that we were here to have a nice, fun vacation, and suggested he just lounge a bit and do some breathing exercises.

That seemed to help. Jet lag is tough on all of us. Not to mention, he has probably been detoxing from all the time spent with Whiskeymarie. We'll get a good night's sleep and check out Vienna together tomorrow.

Auf wiedersein!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Reading up on 'Nando

For those of you unfamiliar with our little porcine friend, Fernando, here is a link to the epic saga. Scroll all the way to the bottom, and then make your way up: