Friday, June 26, 2009

Hvratska Ice Cream - HVRMPH!

Fernando and I are still sans laptop, ergo no pretty photos of Hvratska (Croatia, in the local language). Many apologies. And speaking of apologies, I am owed MANY GRAND SORRIES from the people of Croatia. I have now been to Split, Hvar, and Dubrovnik (arrived today, fine thank you), and in each city you will see every other passerby eating an ice cream cone. They appear to be enjoying these ice cream cones, and who wouldn´t (OH I FOUND THE APOSTROPHE KEY!!!! It is CTRL + ALT 9!) - okay, again, who wouldn´t enjoy an ice cream cone, in a fabulously picturesque seaside summer holiday destination, right? Who?

ME, thatś who. Oh crap, I don´t think itś the apostrophe key. Oh well, it will have to do.

Back to the "ice cream", or so they call it. It is absolute crap. CRAP I SAY! They fake a sugar cone, with that papery nonsense (think McDonalds), but waffle it up so that it appears to be the real thing. THEN, they arrange their "ice cream" in that fluffy, tempting gelato-esque way - you know, where it appears to be thick, pillowy clouds of goodness? Well. I can tell you, there is no goodness, whatsoever. It tastes like that low-calorie, 1980ś ice milk rubbish, and it is not being offered as low-calorie, so I am led to deduce that it is merely cheap, fake ice cream. It is terrible, and there is no escaping it. It is literally everywhere. And people keep eating it! It is making me bananas! When I tried it today, in Dubrovnik (somehow hoping that here it might be good? Different?), I was so exasperated, that, after I threw the unfinished cone in the trash, I found myself wanting to run up to everyone else eating a cone and scream "YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY BE ENJOYING THAT, CAN YOU??? IT IS CRAP!!!!"

But I didn´t. I marched straight into the nearest convenience store and purchased a $4 SWISS chocolate bar, to erase the bad taste of the "ice cream".

Fernando would echo my sentiments, but he is passed out in the bathtub.