Tuesday, November 2, 2010

The Granville Island Serengeti

My friend Christine and I were up in Vancouver for a girls' weekend, and were wining it up on Granville Island on a sunny Sunday afternoon. We had been engrossed in conversation for three glasses of wine when Christine got up to use the restroom. An attractive couple sitting next to us immediately turned to me and asked me about our conversation. They were smart and funny and chatty and when Christine came back to the table, she was holding her middle finger up at me because she knew we had been discussing her. Then she sat down and promptly joined the discussion.

We talked mainly about relationships and break-ups, and personality types and how people basically fell into four distinct categories: aggressive-aggressive, aggressive-passive, passive-aggressive, and passive-passive. We'll call the couple Frank and Emily. Frank was probably in his mid-to-late 40s, and Emily told us she was 38. In the personality type classification, they were both admitted aggressive-aggressives.

Frank had asked me what I thought I was, and I said "Oh definitely aggressive-aggressive". He then said "What do you think your friend is?" and I answered "Um...probably aggressive-passive". He asked "What do you think she will say she is?" and I said "I don't know...but probably aggressive-passive".

Christine said "I think I'm probably aggressive-passive". So we then continued to discuss relationships, and the personality types of past boyfriends, etc. Frank and Emil
y had empty shot glasses sitting on their table, and we were like "Oh my God you guys are doing shots???" It was 4pm on a Sunday. They smiled and said "Yeah!" and then Frank offered to buy us tequila shots. Christine is Irish and was up for it, but after three glasses of wine, I knew a tequila shot would push me close to the barfing point, and I declined. Frank said to the waitress "Okay, we'll have THREE tequila shots, because BABY doesn't want one". I'm 40, and totally fine with someone calling me "Baby" even if it is an attempt to peer-pressure me into a tequila shot. I have a strong aversion to barfing, so I stayed firm with my initial anti-shot stance.

Christine went to the bathroom again, and Emily said "So you guys are going for sushi for dinner?" and I said "Yeah! You should come with!" because they were our n
ew friends and we were all having so much fun! Emily grinned and said "Oh, we have our OWN sushi...at HOME..." and I laughed, because I didn't really know what she was talking about - I mean, maybe they had sushi in the fridge, who knows? And Emily continued and said "And our sushi is RAW" and she laughed wickedly, and I laughed along thinking "OH, ha ha, innuendo - they're naughty!"

When Christine came back to the table, she asked Frank what he thought of men who cheated, and Frank said "Well, do you mean cheating behind her back, or in front of her? Because behind her back is a different story." Blah blah - more conversation. Frank offered to buy me a glass of wine, and I just said "You can pay for this one" pointing to my empty third glass. My alcohol tank was on "Full".

At some point Frank said "Why don't you two come to our house for a drink?" which I didn't want to do, because I was hungry, and they were our nice new friends, and we were having so much fun! but I didn't need any more drinks. It was Sunday for crying out loud.

We all left the bar at the same time, and I think Frank and Emily had decided to come for sushi with us, but it wasn't clear. We were waiting for a cab, when the waitress ran out to us and said "You forgot to pay your bill!" to Christine, so Christine stumbled back inside the bar, and I waited outside with Frank and Emily. I said to them "You know, you guys don't really HAVE to come with us for sushi if you don't really want to." thinking that Christine might have just badgered them into coming. Frank answered "We know - we don't do anything we don't want to do - we're aggressive-aggressive!" and Emily added "Yeah, we're up for anything. Especially when sex is involved."

Insert exaggerated record scratch here. WHAT???

I had had three glasses of wine on a fairly empty stomach, and was not sober, so I thought I had maybe heard her incorrectly...

It was then that Christine came back outside and was all cheery and "Okay! Let's get a cab and go for sushi!" and she climbed into the front seat of the cab, leaving me alone in the back seat with our new "friends" Frank and Emily, who kept kissing each other as I craned my neck to look away from them and out the window.


Frank and Emily had directed the cab to their neighborhood, and pointed out their house, which was conveniently located exactly one block from their recommended sushi place. In the car they said "We're going to go home first, but we'll meet you at the sushi place in an hour". So Christine and I got out of the cab and walked into the sushi place. We sat down in a booth and I hissed across the table "THEY WANT TO HAVE SEX W
ITH US!!!" Christine said "What? No." and made a face like I didn't know what I was talking about. "You don't know what you're talking about!" she said.

I was exasperated, as I had been piecing together the afternoon conversations, and then the whole "especially when sex is involved" comment. Christine said "She didn't say THAT." and I was like "YES SHE DID OH MY GOD WHEN YOU WERE INSIDE PAYING THE BILL!!!!"

She still didn't believe me throughout dinner, which we ate very quickly, with me darting glances toward the window, and still didn't believe me in the cab back to our hotel. I had to replay EVERY clue and innuendo for her several times "Remember how Emily was like 'Oh, and you're both beautiful...and you both have really beautiful hands...'???" before she was like "Oh my God, they wanted to have SEX with us!!!"

It was a total predator/prey situation and we were the little unsuspecting Impalas, innocently grazing and drinking our wine out on the Serengeti, and Frank and Emily were the calculating Leopards, offering to buy the Impalas shots of tequila to lure them into their lair of raw sushi!

I'll bet they had gone home first to set up the hidden video camera! OH MY GOD!!!

So, I guess my lesson here is...I don't KNOW! People keep surprising me!