Monday, January 31, 2011

I've Got Baggage

Try
Using it

More than a few times

It will disappoint.

That is my brilliantly inspired acrostic for the Tumi luxury brand. I haven't copyrighted it yet, so please feel free to use it.

Just look at them. Standing there, all smug and expensive, like a Rothschild family portrait.

Being a susceptible label whore, I was convinced that Tumi must be the platinum standard of luggage, based on its outrageous price tag. You get what you pay for! Except when you buy Tumi luggage.

Yes, it's pretty. Yes, it's made from that "virtually abrasion-proof FXT ballistic nylon", which makes the luggage sound like a superhero in its own right. And the "Accent Your Alpha" collection practically screams "This will enlarge your...!" However...

The Tumi website crows self-congratulatory accolades:

With a 30-year history of creating superior products for discerning professionals and frequent travelers, Tumi is recognized as the world's leading brand of luxury travel, business and lifestyle accessories. Tumi's success can be traced to its continual focus on its principles of design excellence, functional superiority and technical innovation.


The functional superiority of my Tumi luggage includes: Zipper tabs that fall off w
hen you look at them wrong; a luggage lock with dangerously fraying wires that mercilessly stab me at every attempt to set the combination; an expanding section which stubbornly refuses to remain in the unexpanded position, as if anticipating an enormous Thanksgiving dinner of excess clothing, even when I've miraculously managed to pack sensibly.

At one point I think Tumi offered a lifetime warranty, and would graciously make repairs as needed. According to the Tumi sales clerk, we have sadly passed that point, and rather than go through the hassle of paying to ship the bag to an "authorized" repair location, waiting for the bag to be repaired, and then paying whatever charges for said repairs, I simply decided to borrow my mom's luggage for my most recent trip.

Totally
Rad
Alternative

Very
Excited about this
Love, love, love it
Please
Replace my Tumi with TravelPro

O Faithful Travel Faries


Plus, George Clooney's character in "Up In The Air" uses TravelPro. We're still working on that whole susceptibility issue.