Monday, April 10, 2017

Oh, United



I recently had to look up what "SMH" meant. The kids say it on the social medias, and Granny was all, "What's that you're sayin?" It means "shaking my head" and it's totally what I'm doing right now about United Airlines. I mean, my GOD.

First, there was the Affrontery of the Leggings! Egads! Leggings!

Now, I am a big fan of people dressing nicely when they travel. And all the other times, really. There's no excuse for constant slobbery. I also don't think leggings are pants, because they're not. They're just really thick tights, and yes, they're comfortable, but you can actually make them look fashionable too, if you wear a tunic or something that hits around mid-thigh. It's a fashion suggestion, and I guarantee it looks better than just the thick tights and a sweatshirt, which you can wear on your flight if you must. But now I need a "however".

HOWEVER: My friend's sister works for United Airlines, and so she gets to fly on the special pass. Every time she has done this, she's explained how she has to dress up for the flight. United is doing its part to encourage fancy flying, and I applaud that. If you're flying for free, dress up. It's part of the rules, and my friend knows the rules and follows them. So, apparently the leggings sisters were flying on that same pass and did not abide by the rules, in which case I think United was within their rights to ask the girls to put on a dress or whatever it was they did. But now we need another "however".

HOWEVER: The girls' dad was apparently also flying with them, on that same pass, and was wearing shorts. He was not asked to put on a dress or whatever, and this is where I NEED TO GET SHOUTY! IF YOU HAVE RULES FOR FLYING ON THAT SPECIAL PASS, THEY NEED TO APPLY TO EVERYONE, ESPECIALLY THE MEN BECAUSE WOMEN ARE REALLY SICK AND TIRED OF BEING TARGETED FOR THIS KIND OF NONSENSE (if you need examples, see "Prom dress codes"). AND, ALSO, RULES!

*takes breath*

Today, United outdid themselves. From what I've seen on the Twitter, with the video and the explanations of what happened, I've learned this: United Airlines overbooked one of their flights, as we all know airlines do nowadays. They needed four passengers, who all booked their flights in advance, and paid for a specific seat (Ms. Leggings, you are in 14C), to volunteer to give up that seat for United employees to fly somewhere for something. When they did not get all four volunteers, United brought armed goons onto the flight to drag a paying customer (it's irrelevant, but he was a doctor who didn't want to give up his seat because he had patients to see the next day) out of the seat he had paid for, and booked in advance. United's PR response to this was that "one person refused to volunteer his seat, so he was removed".

No.



No, no, no, no, no, no.

We understand what "volunteering" is, right? And, we've all been there. Sitting uncomfortably in our plane seats while the flight attendant asks for "volunteers" and we nervously shift around, and look at everyone else, hoping someone else doesn't really care to get home or to their connecting flight for their vacation or whatever, and they'll volunteer. And, sometimes, it takes several rounds of playing auctioneer on the part of the flight attendant. "We're offering a free round-trip ticket and ten dollars! No? Okay, how about a free round-trip ticket and eleven dollars!" And they go up from there. And, eventually, the Price is Right, and someone finally says, "Okay!" If no one says "Okay!" you know what you need to do? You need to offer more money. Everyone has a price.

There is absolutely no excuse for how the employees of United behaved today, both on the airplane and in the PR department. You, as a massive corporation, can no longer act like complete assholes in hopes of saving $1000, because we all have cell phones with cameras and video. I'm only guessing that they didn't want to have to offer too much money to get someone to give up their seat, and then (for some reason) decided to select someone as a "volunteer". I have no idea how they even made that choice, but it doesn't matter. The lawsuit they are going to face, as a result of all this non-thinking, is going to be monolithic, and I am looking forward to it.